Falling off the proverbial wagon.

Another week went by and i still haven’t found my rhythm yet. I’m still not in my studying mood, although i know i don’t have the luxury of trying to find it. Exams are just around the corner, not to mention recitations everyday. Am i getting burned out? I’ve been studying for probably 20 years out of my 26 years of living. Sometimes i find myself asking, is this really what i want to do. So far the answer is still yes.

This weekday my parents went to  my grandmother’s home in the province. It’s her 90th birthday and i’m a bit bummed out because i wasn’t able to go. I don’t want to think of her passing but i’m afraid i won’t be able to see her before it. But then deep inside, i think if i really wanted to go i would have pushed the issue with my parents. Lately i just find myself not bothering with things.

And lately i’ve been spending a lot. 

And i know i shouldn’t. I should be saving. Things are pretty good right now, financially. Although it wouldn’t hurt to save for a rainy, that’s for sure. But i can’t seem to help myself. Before, i wasn’t a big spender on clothes, shoes, whatever. I used to spend money on books. Now i just download e-books and spend on other things. Even though i told myself a few days ago — Wednesday to be exact –  that it would be sometime before i spend another dime on clothes.

Does this make me a typical girl/woman now? I wasn’t like this, even in college. Talk about a late bloomer.

But i find that it is true, what they say, about retail therapy. Finding that pair of shoes or getting a good bargain on that dress makes me feel good. And somehow, it’s a shallow form of contentment. Things make sense whenever i shop. I forget my problems, my mind is focused on that moment. The movie Confessions of a Shopaholic now makes sense to me. It might be a streatch but i find myself relating to that girl in Devil Wears Prada, when she was suddenly immersed in the fashion world, as if waking up from a deep sleep.